


Dirt and grime

by 666maggot777



Series: Lover is a day [3]
Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mild Smut, Ren Hakuryuu has PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder, Trans Character, Trans!Judar, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-02 12:56:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20753978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/666maggot777/pseuds/666maggot777
Summary: Every winter Hakuryuu sits in the freezing cold, letting himself go numb and Judar is always there to warm up and take him back home.





	Dirt and grime

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still feeling like shit, so uhhh trauma Hakuryuu?? Cuz I relate??? Lol. 
> 
> Also Idk if I used the implication tags correctly, but they are there for a reason. It's not like super vivid I promise, cuz I don't have to stomach to write some vivid child ab*se. And uhhh I just had a lil fun with the bonus??? I hope my readers enjoy ♡
> 
> EDIT:title is dirt and grime by father's children. It's a very juhaku/Hakuryuu song

It was one of those nights, the times where Hakuryuu would try to sneak away into the cold night of winter and think about the trauma he's suffered. He thinks Judar doesn't feel the weight in the bed shift, but maybe he does know and just doesn't think Judar would come outside and look for him.  
  
He's always in tne snow, wearing barely anything to keep himself warm, he's aware he's weak to the cold and he sits out here just because of that. He's weak to everything, he's idiot for letting his mother's abuse go on for long, for trying to protect his mother's image and defending her from prying eyes.  
  
People spat venom at his mother's feet, he didn't understand, but now he does.  
  
Judar will tell him, "you're just as much as a victim. You kept trying to convince me that I was also a victim, but I was aware of it, you know this and yet.."  
  
And yet, Hakuryuu doesn't fault Judar anymore.  
  
He can't fault his spouse.  
  
It isn't his fault, none of it ever was.  
  
When he and Judar were young, Hakuryuu would cry about bugs, only to have Judar convince him a caterpillar isn't scary. Hakuryuu liked the fuzziness of the little bug, looking at it in awe.  
  
He was once jealous of all of Judar's long hair and he cried to his mother, "ma, why can't my hair be that long?" She'd pat him and tell him his hair length is perfect already.  
  
Judar promised as a child, "when I'm older, I'll fly us to the moon!" And pointed at the night sky, blanketed with stars and the serene glow of the moon.  
  
Judar had proven himself, Hakuryuu was happy to have taken his hand.  
  
Hakuryuu was unhappy that Judar was taken away from him.  
  
But he's back, and now he can call the ex-magi his husband.  
  
It was snowing hard, his entire body felt frozen, he doesn't know if he's shivering anymore. This is possibly the worse condition he's ever put himself in.  
  
He heard the crunching of snow, despite the heavy wind whistling by his ears, he could hear footsteps in the thick layered snow and soon, the calling of his name.  
  
He knew that voice, he's heard it so many times before.  
  
The voice rings in different tempos and tones, so he knows who it is.  
  
He turns and sees Judar.  
  
He's carrying thick blankets and two robes, he's wearing a thin robe and it's only one layer. He knows Judar has said he was pushed into harsh conditions before and was pampered afterwards as a sorry, but he doesn't believe Judar is dealing with this hellish ice weather.  
  
He tried to speak, but his teeth chartered together rapidly, unable to even call out the man's name.  
  
Despite all the items Judar carried, he snatched Hakuryuu up by his shirt collar, making him stand up and he was defenseless against his husband. He was so cold, bone cold at that. He tried to move his arms, but it felt he was trying to move some clunky rusty thing.  
  
"What the fuck! You're so fucking cold, holy shit." Judar was swearing at the top of his lungs, making sure his voice of concern cut through the loudness of the wind.  
  
And also making sure his dumb idiot husband heard him.  
  
He put an under layer on Hakuryuu, it was thick like and a thicker, but heavy robe that he buttoned up. Both layers had cuffs at the end of the sleeves. He patted Hakuryuu, making sure he was straight (clothing wise) and he threw a blanket around the man's slumped shoulders.  
  
Judar saved the last blanket for them both, so he pulled Hakuryuu to his side, blanket hanging off both of their person's.  
  
"Shut up. I don't wanna hear anything you have to say! Nothing, and I mean nothing can change how stupid you are right now. I'm supposed to be your fucking idiot husband, so stop tryna steal my spot!"  
  
Even if his words sounded like jokes, he was serious. Hakuryuu is his life, so without Hakuryuu, what will happen to Judar?  
  
He wanted Hakuryuu to be with him forever, he has to be. Judar loves him with everything he's worth and everything he is. If Hakuryuu needed a heart, Judar is the first to shout and beg for his to be taken.  
  
Its cliche, maybe, but Judar truly is happy by this man's side.  
  
Eating honeydew by the river bank, watching ducklings, even if it didn't seem like Judar's style of spending his evening, he did it.  
  
He wants to do many more things. He wants to build a swing, make it look like the one from their childhood, he wants to learn how to cook for Hakuryuu or at least know how to make pastries.  
  
He's gonna pick more fruit with him, leave Kou to do their 2 months worth of travelling and coming back with gifts and finding more undiscovered land.  
  
He wants to fly Hakuryuu to the moon.  
☄☄☄  
Judar drew a warm bath for Hakuryuu. after it was a nice temperature, he demanded Hakuryuu got in, but he still had trouble moving his limbs, his arms were slow and stiff. Judar pulled the thin robe off of Hakuryuu's shoulders, he gazed at the man's collarbones and shoulders.  
  
Not the right time for this, Judar !  
  
Hakuryuu was concerned as to why judar just stared at him, he had a guess, but maybe Judar's thoughts weren't wandering there.  
  
The thin robe pooled around Hakuryuu, and Judar pushed him towards the tub full of warm water. Hakuryuu stuck his toe in and winced at the "harsh" temperature.  
  
"If you don't get in, I'll push you-"  
  
Hakuryuu listened to his concerned companion and slowly descended down into the comforting warmth of the water. The water felt like it was washing away years worth of dirt and grime off him, the the blood that ran in his blood and the taunting voice of his mother.  
  
He would be never like her.  
  
He couldn't be anything like her, not if he didn't produce a heir.  
  
Besides, who would birth him an heir? Judar? No. He's already insecure as it is, Hakuryuu would feel awful if he ever did that.  
  
Hakuryuu was lost in his own torturous mind, thinking of the past while the warmth of the water heats up his body, no longer Ren Hakuryuu, the ice statue.  
  
Hakuryuu heard the sound of clothes falling, he turned his attention and saw the bareback of his husband. His should blades defined as he shrugs his gown off.  
  
Judar must've felt Hakuryuu staring because he halted in his actions and gazed right back at Hakuryuu. He continued to undress even with Hakuryuu's eyes on him, but why Hakuryuu acting like he was seeing something he wasn't supposed to? He didn't know if it's because his temperature is balancing out, but his face feels so warm.  
  
Judar wrapped some cloth around his chest, not too tight, but it was meant to cover his chest.  
  
Judar really didn't seem like he was in a good mood, but what did Hakuryuu expect? On every anniversary of his families death, he'd pull a dangerous stunt like this. At first it because he just wanted everything to stop, but now he's with Judar and he can't find a single reason as to why he keeps worrying this man.  
  
Why does he feel so warm when Judar cares about him or yells at him out of concern?  
  
Perhaps Hakuryuu figured it out the more he thought about it.  
  
Judar stood in front of the bathtub, ready to step into the water, his partner extended his hand out to him, and Judar took it while wearing a pout.  
  
Their hands will still interlinked, Hakuryuu trying his hardest to give the other man's hand a tight squeeze, it was a little effective, but Judar always gave the more tighter holds.  
  
"Your hands..are soft..."  
  
"Mhm."  
  
There was silence, only the sound of the water sometimes sloshing around or the noise from the owl.  
  
Hakuryuu traced each knuckle on Judar's hand, running his thumb over them and his heart seems to flutter. Judar's cheek were only a pinch of pink, maybe from the cold or Hakuryuu trying his best to apologize through affection. He normally cries and apologizes, but he can't formulate the words right now, frost in his throat and it restricts his words.  
  
He brings Judar's wrist to his lips and his breath ghosts over the skin, he sensed Judar tensing up and shivering as Hakuryuu's breath continued to blow across his skin.  
  
Hakuryuu knows his lips are cold, but maybe he'll feel the burn of Judar's skin. He pressed a faint kiss there, but it wasn't enough, so he kissed him there again, this time truly feeling the head radiate.  
  
"Judar.."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I...."  
  
Hakuryuu trailed off and this seems to slightly agitate Judar, he's always been the inpatient one.  
  
"Well? Out with it! If its apology, then I don't wanna hear it-"  
  
"It's not--well--it kinda is. I..let me show you I'm sorry, please?"  
  
"Are you offering me sex?"  
  
"No! Right now isn't the time."  
  
The water was in waves when Judar inched closer to his husband, sorta straddling him, but he was just kneeling over him.  
  
Hakuryuu didn't know what to do, hand in a somewhat uncomfortable position and he didn't think Judar would allow him to place his hands on his hip.  
  
But if Judar is this close, why not take the chance? Judar can yell at him.  
  
Hakuryuu's hand sat on the small of Judar's back and the other places on his hip, and Judar didn't look bothered, he gave the man those same bedroom eyes every night, seeing the fondness that lingered too long in his soft expression.  
  
He tried to look upset, but he always ended up giving himself away and Hakuryuu loved that about him.  
  
He couldn't lie without his face betraying hin.  
  
The tub was somewhat small, it couldn't fit 3 people, but it was big enough for 2. Judar slowly seated himself on Hakuryuu's lap, pressing their foreheads together.  
  
The agitation that once seated itself around them, dissipated or mixed with the relaxing steam from the water.  
  
"Judar, I am truly sorry. I knew how stupid my action was, I realized that I don't know what I'd being if you didn't come fetch me, like you do every single damn winter."  
  
"Haku-" Judar's words are cut short when arms snake around him, pulling him into a tight secure hug. Hakuryuu's cheek rests on Judar's shoulder and the only thing Judar could do was ruffle the man's silky hair.  
  
This sparks an idea, "Haku. Haku, can I wash your hair? I'm sure its all dirty."  
  
Hakuryuu breathed in Judar's warmth, pressing himself closer to the man.  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
And with that, Hakuryuu let his back face his spouse, hair coming down like a black curtain. Hair that waved in his face was moved, gentle, but nimble fingers running down his scalp, making sure the soap really gets in his hair.  
  
Afterwards, Judar took the water from the bucket beside the tub, using the bamboo ladle and doused his spouse in the warm water.  
  
Judar ran his fingers through Hakuryuu's locks, washing out the soap as he poured the water.  
  
"There, silky smooth and clean!"  
  
Hakuryuu chuckled into the palm of his hand, feeling the warmth flutter around his heart and drop in his stomach. He was in love and if he did this "tradition" every anniversary, then Judar would be sick of him. He doesn't need to continue this for whatever his reasons may be, even for attention.  
  
Judar already gives him that every early morning when he wakes up, his lovely partner begging him to forget about his duties as an emperor and just spend time with his clingy and needy husband.  
  
Judar paying attention tentatively to Hakuryuu when he's cooking, mostly focusing on the ingredients of the sweets he cooked.  
  
Judar trying his best to wash clothes, hissing at maids that disturbed him and his work. He got the hang of it, letting them drip on the bamboo screen and feeling proud of himself. He did for Hakuryuu, so he could wear his favorite clothes everyday.  
  
Judar hooking himself to Hakuryuu's arm, trying yo provoke him or at least get him to even look in his direction. They rarely fought nowadays, if they did, it was small and easily fixable. Neither of them could stay angry at one another for even 5 seconds.  
  
Judar worked to make himself presentable, doing this in the name of his king. He did what he could so Hakuryuu wouldn't have to divide himself and his people, he and the people of Kou are one.  
  
But Hakuryuu would argue that Judar and him are but a single being, one entity that only split for whatever reason. He was drawn to Judar since they were children, he had such admiration for the older boy and wanted to protect Judar just like he protected him.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
But Judar still ran towards him, cheerful as ever. Bruises on his cheeks, but he smiled and tried to make everything that scared Hakuryuu, not so scary.  
  
He still had that ability to this day.  
  
Judar's ruby eyes always shined brightly with the light of the moon, Hakuryuu couldn't help himself when he leaned forward, admiring every feature on the man's face.  
  
He was sure Judar was immortal, never seeming to age as the days go by slowly.  
  
Hakuryuu cupped Judar's face, looking for discomfort in his face, maybe his eyes? No matter how hard he stared, there was nothing that indicates a 'no'.  
  
Hakuryuu kissed him, it was soft and he pressed Judar closer to him, wanting him and the man he cherished dearly to just melt. Judar returned the kiss and let Hakuryuu press their flushed bodies together, the only source of warmth was just them, water long since has become cold.  
  
Judar broke away, not saying a word, only wondering what Hakuryuu wanted next.  
  
"I know you're not in the mood--so let's just wash up, alright? I'll carry you to bed."  
  
"You sure you can do that?"  
  
"When couldn't I? Why turn down carrying the second emperor of Kou? I'd be a fool to not take the chance of holding such a deity as yourself."  
  
Judar flushed blossom pink and backed away, pressing his back against the edge of the tub and trying to sink himself into the water.  
  
Hakuryuu giggled and it made Judar's stomach do a flip.  
  
He loved Hakuryuu so much.  
  
"You know...if my husband caught his wife sharing a bath with another man, he'd be furious."  
  
Judar was right, but Hakuryuu can't take this little game between them, so serious.  
  
"Hm? But his majesty doesn't have to know." Hakuryuu touched Judar's ankle, gliding his fingers lightly up and down the smooth skin.  
  
Okay, maybe they were in the mood for some intimacy.  
☄☄☄  
They washed and stepped out the wooden tub, heading to the bedroom. They helped each other dry, but not without a few touches here and there.  
  
They were flushed and warm.  
  
Judar was on display for Hakuryuu, skin glowing as the moon's graceful light bounced off his skin. Hakuryuu had to dip down and kiss him, they chased after each other, tugging and pulling, not letting the other back away.  
  
Hakuryuu spilled his heart, apologizing until Judar was satisfied. He couldn't understand, but he had Judar, he had someone to wake up and cry to, he had someone he could curl up to and ask for affection, and they'd give it so easily.  
  
He's not going to advantage of him anymore.  
  
Judar was there for him, it isn't like back then anymore.  
  
Judar listened, he gave himself away and trusted Hakuryuu when every ounce of personal information, that he shared.  
  
He became Hakuryuu's bride, and even both the wedding Judar let Hakuryuu take him to bed, but the night of their wedding is different.  
  
Judar was on Hakuryuu's lap, both rocking their bodies, Judar bouncing while Hakuryuu slammed into him from below. One particular hard thrust made Judar arch backwards, almost falling, so Hakuryuu wrapped his arms around him, he kneels and takes control.  
  
The room filled with only their heaving and moans, words that were filthy slipping off their tongues, they didn't know what they were saying anymore, but it didn't matter.  
  
He pressed Judar's back to the bed, no longer able to kneel and holding the man anymore.  
  
Judar allowed himself to be folded, so his partner could slam into that sensitive spot that made him shiver.  
  
Not long after, thrusts were shallow and they came together.  
  
Hakuryuu hadn't pulled out yet, still trying to catch his breath along with Judar, who after sometime, started rocking again and Hakuryuu couldn't breathe.  
☄☄☄  
They went again and again and again. It was a mess, the point of the bath was pointless and Judar was too relaxed (and weak) to even crawl out of bed, he couldn't even move his hips to match Hakuryuu's rhythm after the 3rd round, so Hakuryuu took control.  
  
Hakuryuu held Judar in his arms, rubbing his hand up and down his back, tracing the curve of his spin. He pressed many kisses to Judar's inky black hair, not moving his face after he's done and taking in the sweet smell.  
  
But he wasn't just smelling sweetness from Judar's hair, he smelled a bit of the lavender soap they used, but the obvious smell being sex.  
  
Maybe an inscent could mask the smell? Who knows. They went many times until Judar and Hakuryuu couldn't even move, but really Judar's body couldn't even keep up anymore.  
  
Judar reassured his spouse, saying he's okay and only needed rest.  
  
He was fast asleep, curling himself around Hakuryuu, squeezing him close and using him so warmth. They'll definitely need to clean this mess up and swap the sheets.  
☄☄☄:BONUS  
Judar woke up before Hakuryuu, he was a bit surprised at this, but didn't think much of it. His thighs still felt sticky and wet, obviously a reminder about their very long session from last night. He still felt some warmth in his lower area, he was curious and placed 2 fingers between his legs, feeling the warm seed drip out of hin.  
  
He whimpered and pulled his fingers out to examine the mess. His fingers were coated with the white mess, his cheeks dusted with a pretty peach pink and just asking himself how one man could make such a big mess.  
  
Hakuryuu stirred in his sleep, noticing the absence of his husband's warmth, he turned and fluttered open his eyes and once his vision adjusted, he was greeted with the sight of Judar-  
  
"What are you doing?!"  
  
Hakuryuu was sure Judar wasn't in trouble, but his voice surely didn't stop the man from pumping himself with his fingers.  
  
"I-I can't help it! I'm sorry! Do you wanna take o-over?"  
  
Needless to say, they started their morning a lot more differently. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't planning on adding sex cuz it was a running theme but things happen when you are not only traumatized, but horny iajcjnwsm. It's not like..description as my other two cuz this isn't just a dick out smut centered fic. Okay? Ok. 
> 
> BTW I am adding a fic where Judar takes Hakuryuu flying so they can moon gaze/star gaze cuz I'm gay like that and they are too


End file.
